Today I had some very sad news that my Gran died.
She had been living in a nursing home for about 15 years now (at least) and had been suffering from dimentia for a while, but had really gone downhill when my Grandfather died. I think it was in the form of Alzheimer disease or similar as her body just seemed to give up. I don't think she had any quality of life, she simply existed.
I never once went to visit her in the nursing home, because I wanted to remember her as the kind lady I knew, although my dad did from time to time and brought back reports of a woman who didn't know who he was. I don't think she even knew who she was.
Being an atheist I look at life in a slightly different way to what is considered normal, at least by some people. The life you are living is the only life you will ever live, there is nothing else after you die except the chance to be fertilizer. I live life by that philosophy and try to take many opportunities that come along just because they seem like the only chance I will ever get. Life is the only chance you get at being alive so I live it.
However, there is vast casm of difference between being alive and being dead but still moving. Although I am sad at my Grans passing I also feel a great sense of relief at her finally being released from the torment of memory loss. I cannot imagine what it must have felt like, although I can guess as I have some bad days myself. I would hate to live like that, not knowing who these people are around you, who you are or what you did with your life. I find it very hard to believe that anyone can think there is such a thing as a soul when there are a number of diseases (like Alzheimers) that can take a perfectly healthy mind and completely destroy it. Surely if the soul existed then there wouldn't be such a thing as brain damage of any sort. What is going on is very complicated (I don't deny that) but we are just beginning to figure some of it out. Explaining it away on a whim of an idea only goes towards belittling the person who is suffering.
I remember my Gran as this great old lady who used to make me ham sandwiches (the taste of which I can still remember). I am kind of relieved that I never saw her after my Grandad died as all of the fantasic childhood memories that I had would have been tainted by the image of this confused and frail old woman, who wouldn't have any idea who I was.
I can still remember when my Grandad died. It was around 1994. He had been ill for a few weeks and we had gone to visit him in hospital, as we had been doing since he went in. We had just arrived at their home to pick up my Grandmother who didn't drive and had no other way of getting to the hospital. We never made that journey. Just after we all sat down at their home the phone rang and my dad was informed that Grandad had just passed away. That was one of the strangest nights I can remember as I had not had to deal with death on a personal level before, and still at school age I didn't know what to expect. You kind of think that they will be back next week and walk through the door and all will be fine.
So what about her life? I wouldn't say she had a career as such as she had lots of different jobs. She used to work as a boiler makers mate at the Great Western Reailway works in Swindon, as a Sunday School Teacher, and at a photogrophers shop developing film. My family once went into a hardware store where she had a job (this was quite a few years ago) and she looked at my dad straight in the face and said "Can I help you sir?" I think we were there to pick her up or something.
Most of important of all, she leaves behind a legacy of family who will remember her. Her and my Grandad had 4 children, each of which had children of their own, so the Norton clan is quite large really. I haven't seen some of then for years, but I'm sure that the memory of my Grandparents lives on in the next generation.